Foggy brain can go and get f’d

Foggy brain. Tell me about it.

Late last year, I decided to do another Masters. For fun. Then I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, rrms. Shit. Bugger.

Had already paid fees for first unit. But was dealing with foggy brain as well. Have you ever wondered whether it is foggy brain, symptom of rrms, or whether it is the onset of early dementia? Is every headache a tumor?

i digress.

Uni was a struggle. Coming to terms with a new job, diagnosis and ‘stuff’. Scared that foggy brain had taken away part of my self identity. Couldn’t remember a conversation or page of book, 30 seconds later.

but today. I got my results. I more than passed. And this one mark means so much to me. I didn’t give up. On study on my dreams, or on me. I prevailed. And my foggy brain can officially go and get f’d.

Just came out to my sister. She asked.

My sister just rang. We spoke for an hour or so. She commented on how much weight I had lost (thanks for noticing). she asked if it was diet or gym, I said had health issues earlier this year and gave up sat fat. Then I changed the subject – tried on my wedding dress from 15 years ago and it is too big. Eventually there was silence and she asked, twice. So I told her. I have multiple sclerosis. Not what she was expecting.

i am having a good day. So I said all the right things and comforted her. Because what I have learnt, rightly or wrongly, it isn’t about us. Not about our grief, anger or denial. It is about ‘them’. Comforting them. Giving information to them. 

I am sure that right now my sister is telling her husband and together they are googling rrms optic neuritis and multiple sclerosis. I gave her permission to ring and ask questions, because if I don’t know the answers, I probably should.

Multiple sclerosis is a long game, and a lonely game. For those of us in the game, and for our families stuck on the sidelines cheering.