Out of my depth and out of control

anxiety and depression. Just more joys of multiple sclerosis? Or mental health? Or just a sign that I should toughen up and get over it.

Family – kids high maintenance, demanding. No peace and no help. But they are healthy and basically good kids.

Job – is it a job or career? I used to have a career. Opportunity, promotion prospects. Now I’ve lost confidence in my future. Day by day I may be in control, or may have lost all confidence in even getting out of bed. There is no job security. I’m scared that once my symptoms become as obvious to others as they are to me, I will be sidelined until exited. Really scared. Even though that day may never come, or may be years away, I am scared. Now.

Study – learning, real learning and embedding new knowledge is just not happening. Exam on Friday and I am sure my issues will be laid bare for all to see.

Health – insomnia had reoccured, but last night slept. Leg pain okay this week. Back pain 6/10. Eyes tracking okayish. Balance – 9/10 but trouble doing yoga poses.

crap this is such a negative post. I don’t want to be a negative Nellie. Life is great! Really great! I feel like I can’t enjoy it