My wrist hurts. I lose grip on things. Is it too much ipading? RSI? Or the insidious MS?
i can’t remember my new work number or work mobile. Or the number for my interstate team members who I ring countless times each day. Is it age? Or is it foggy brain MS?
after a week of sleep, two nights of insomnia. Is it just a hard week of work and uni starting again? Or is it …
In the absence of proof either way, attitude becomes everything. I chose to believe wrist all the typing, spreadsheeting and use if Idevices is behind my wrist. I chose to believe that my work and uni fills my brain with so many important facts, that phone numbers don’t count. I chose to believe that sleep will come when I am tired.
I chose to believe that attitude if not everything, is not nothing. And while I can, I will run upstairs in high heels and not just push boundaries, but smash them.
Driving to work in heavy fog, I realised that is how my life is now, diagnosed (finally) with RRMS. Not seeing where or how bag the next bump is, how far to the next bend, or when the fog in my brain will finally lift for good.
but with 6 months since my optic neuritis, and six months since my MRI and formal diagnosis, there are some good wins. Six months relapse free. I know that isn’t much to some, ulna bragging for others. But, I will take it as a win. And I am aiming for another six months. To see Christmas tree lights with red flashing (other optic neuritis sufferers will understand).
I have taken multiple sclerosis to kick me up the proverbial in terms of looking after my health – to the extent I can. Drinking water. Taking my iron every day – the side effects are nothing to CRAB drugs so I have stopped complaining. Cranberry supplements for UTI and glucosomine for joints. And heaps of fish oil. And heaps of vitamin d. I haven’t missed a day. Oh, and SSRI to get my stress levels in check. Love that Chillax feeling.
Trying to meditate and this week, for the first time, this TYPE A personality meditated witclearer mind for a couple of minutes. Big win.
Strangely, the easiest thing to give up was saturated fat. Easy choice – chips and gravy equals wheelchair. No fat milk no butter, nuts and dried cranberries for snacking. Low fat meat a couple of times a week, chicken and fish the rest. 9 kilos lighter. Skin healthier.
So, these first six months have been a head game. Angry, depressed, confident, anxious, relieved, scared, grateful. Looking forward to kicking butt for the next 6 months.
Sporting analogies are appropriate in a lot of circumstances. Today I was cycling with 11 year old ds. I was getting tired and the way home seemed a lot harder and more uphill than normal. I told him to go ahead.
DS said than uphill is part of cycling, I don’t have a choice if I want to get home. Just chuck the bike down a couple of gears and keep going. He said that if it gets tough, just go down a gear and it will seem easier. It might take longer to get home, but I will get there.
Out of the mouth of a babe. So if life is a long game, we will have uphills that are harder to climb on some days. Rather than give up, let us all just chuck it back a gear or two, take it a little easier but get there in the end. No matter where or what ‘there’ is.
The sun is shining. The kids are at school without fighting. Okay, the kitchen is a mess and the fluffing and folding is getting out of hand. The vacuuming has promised to wait another day.
I am taking today to be grateful for and appreciate today.
Today, I thank God for the ability to get out of bed, to walk, to work, to decide not to clean rather than wish I could. I thank God for coherent thought, for bladder control and for all those little things than I will no longer take for granted.
i am healthy. I am embracing the happy gene. I am going remember that today is a great day to live – even if I have MS.